Fact: Children Hate Movies
…Or they hate the adults who go to see them. This afternoon I went to see Princess and the the Frog with Mother. It was incredibly ploddingly poorly paced. Alliteration for the win! I had read several mixed reviews of it before hand but I’m still kinda amazed by all the positive praise its gotten. By no means is it a terrible children’s movie, but it is pretty fucking dull.
I think a lot of the misplaced adoration comes form the whole race card thing. I think people really wanted the first black princess to have an amazing movie.
But frankly I don’t give a fuck. When my eventual black babies crawl out of the womb and into a movie seat I don’t want to have to take them to complete drivel just so they can more easily imagine themselves as princess’. Thats bullshit.
What I think is really funny is that all the kids in the theatre, and there were a lot of them (we foolishly went to a matine), knew it sucked. They were really bored, as evidenced by the little boy behind me who kept asking to go home.
A rant about children in movie theatres:
If your child is under the age of four they cannot handle sitting in a movie theatre for more than twenty minutes.
If your child is sick, don’t bring them.
If your child acts like a bitch and starts crying, don’t sit there hoping they’ll shut up, TAKE THEM INTO THE FUCKING LOBBY!
And don’t be surprised when the person who has been having their seat kicked by your grandson for the last half-hour whips around, dead stares them and whispers, “Stop. It.”
Seriously, I know parenting sucks, but why must you inflict your poor choices on the rest of the population?
/end rant.
See the thing is when my kids are movie theatre aged, and well-behaved, and they need some good animated fun, I won’t decry the fact that nobody is quite the right shade of beige for my child to realte to.
Cuz’ If my kids need a great Disney film about black people I ‘ll show them one:
